Wednesday, April 9, 2014: A Family of Murders

Everyone

Yes, it's true. My family is a family of murders. Well, two members of the family are.

Here are the mug-shots.

Suspect A

Exhibit A

***Note, Exhibit B was too gruesome to show***

Basically, Finnegan and I are hard. In fact, we're hard as hell. We roll... hard (no, not "roll tide" you Alabama hill-billy internet Trolls). 

Yesterday, at baseball practice (with my little league kids) the entire team of 8 and 9 year-old boys became distracted by a gopher popping out of the ground near home plate... He seemed pretty accustomed to people, since it's difficult for 12, 8 and 9 year-old boys to either be quiet or stop moving. The gopher just kept coming out of the hole, they would all get distracted, I would redirect back to what we were doing, but nothing  I had to say was cooler than the gopher. I even attempted to move the team 10 feet away from our original position. However, it was no use. 

Finally, after becoming frustrated with #thestruggle, I grabbed a baseball, just in case things started to get real. Then, one of the kids yelled "there he is again!" and so, with the gopher halfway out of the hole, I threw the baseball with all my might. ***what happens next is ridiculously hilarious and horrible all at the same time.*** I struck the gopher in the back of head, behind and just below the ears, breaking his neck and splitting him open...He flopped for a few moments before sliding slowly down his hole (which also became his grave). The reaction from the boys varied from laughter that only comes from a serial killer, to crying because the gopher was not going to heaven, to kids jumping around yelling "you got his ass, coach!" to players attempting to give me a high-five.

As for my feelings, I'm not proud, that's just how I roll. And, as a side-note, I'm sure retaliation is coming. To anyone wanting some, you know where I am, and you have seen what happens to those who "step-up." So, be my guest.

As for my coaching career. I can only imagine these kids when they get to high school. Their high school coach saying to them, "What did your coach teach you in little league?" Inevitably, their response will be,"My coach yelled a lot and killed a gopher with a baseball."

By the time I went to go get my phone to take a picture for proof (I was going to turn myself in today, I promise) two of the kids had dug a grave and buried the gopher properly.. all the hand sanitizer in the world can't make that better. Oh well. 

As for Finnegan. When I came home from practice and was watching my wife cook dinner (I'm a manly-man, son) the dog came in from the back-yard trotting with his head held high (we had the back door open for a breeze). I was facing the other way when he barked. My wife, daughter, and I all turned at the same time to see Finnegan proudly standing over his latest kill, a bird (he hates birds, and cats, and pretty much everything else... he is my dog, after all). All of our jaws dropped and my daughter was so shocked that her food fell out of her mouth. It was pretty hilarious.

This is a warning. You don't want to step-to-this, son. Get off my lawn and out of my life.

Keep it gansta' and roll hard,

OG Markstone

Click here to see the answer to Monday's "What's going on in this picture?"

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Modern World History

Quick-write #14:

Objectives:

• Analyze the effects of the Industrial Revolution. 
• Use evidence to substantiate a thesis. 

AP World History

Quick-write #13:

Objectives:

• Use evidence to substantiate a thesis.
• Analyze the rise, fall, and reconstitution of empires in the Post-Classical era.
• Analyze the contacts and conflicts of between and among empires, and their technological and cultural implications.